Commitment Issues...

Ok, seriously, I started this journal so that I could have a healthy outlet for all frustrations and the like, but I am doing an awful job at keeping up with it. It's been 6 months since I last wrote anything. Geez, I have a lot of catching up to do. Where to start?

Well, I guess I can start with the most obvious change in my life. In April, I found out that I am pregnant. But, ah, I haven't even mentioned Shane because we started dating around the time I stopped writing. Well, anyway, he and I have been together for awhile now - probably not long enough to be having a baby together, but life can throw you some pretty hard curve balls. Anyway, things are going pretty well with that so far. My parents are incredibly supportive and so far everything is okay with the baby. I have an ultrasound this Friday, and hopefully they will be able to tell me if it is a boy or a girl. I'd really like a girl, but Shane wants a boy. But as long as the baby is healthy I'm great. The due date right now is November 23, and I will FINALLY be done with school then!! I have already gotten in contact with my teachers to let them know the situation, and to see if there is any way that I could have an accelerated schedule so that I could be done with all my coursework by Thanksgiving break. Most have been extremely receptive to that idea.

I have yet to meet Shane's parents, and they have yet to be informed of junior. I keep nagging Shane to tell them, because I would imagine that being told something of this nature at the last minute would be a little upsetting. But he insists that he knows his parents and he doesn't want to stress them out with this news because they already have enough on their plate. And granted, they do, but I don't think that neglecting to tell them will make the situation any better. Actually, Shane's sister is also pregnant, and she just moved back home. She was a teacher, but I don't know if she is going to continue doing that after she has her baby in September (or maybe late August, I can't remember) because the guy is no longer in the picture - she hasn't told her family who the dad is. To top it off, Shane's younger sister, who just graduated high school, was recently diagnosed with MS, and he hinted that she might not have been as receptive to treatments as they had hoped.

Shane is also concerned that the drinking that I did before we found out might harm the baby, and his biggest fear is having a baby with birth defects, etc. I talked it over with my physicians and they said that many women drink in the first few weeks, or months of their pregnancy because they don't know they're pregnant, and have had perfectly healthy babies. I think I was about 7 weeks when I found out, and obviously haven't had a drop of alcohol since then, so hopefully all is well. I go on Spring Break and celebrated a 21st shortly before I found out. Unfortunately, they don't know if there is any safe amount of alcohol intake when you're pregnant.

I'm planning on moving back home with my mom after I have the baby - I feel comfortable with her, and she has the room and is willing and able to help me out until I get a fantastic job. Shane is a teacher, so he has a stable (although small) income. He works at a school that is about 50 miles from home and recently moved out there because the drive in the mornings was getting too tiring. There would be nothing for me to do in that small town in terms of jobs, so I wouldn't be able to be there with him. Plus, I don't know that we're ready to live together. Part of me wants to so that he can be there nightly to get up for feedings and changings, but on the other hand, he doesn't know the first thing about caring for an infant, and I know I will feel much more comfortable with my mom. Then I was looking at a two bedroom, two full bath townhouse close to home that would be awesome!! It has two floors so it would feel more like a house as opposed to a cramped apartment, and it has 1100 sqaure feet. Not too shabby. Who knows, maybe at that point, Shane might be willing to move back to Des Moines.

Well, that's enough for now, even though there is so much more to say. But I am at work, and I think I am going to go make some popcorn, and then find something else to do so that I look busy!!